So today would of been our due date of our fifth pregnancy that resulted in miscarriage. The pink ribbon reminds us this pregnancy was our little lady not meant to be. The last few days, I’ve felt very angry and alot of sadness as I would of been bringing our first baby ( our rainbow) into this world. Instead I sit here, childless and empty and not knowing if I will ever become a mummy. Life feels tough at the moment. Also I’ve had another loss since this one, I can’t work out which I’m currently grieving for, it all feels too much and far too overwhelming at times. It’s like being on a surfboard, some waves are huge and some are small. My part is keeping my grip on this turbulent board. It’s not easy!
We are sill on lockdown , due to the covid 19 virus that is storming over our planet. It’s Easter weekend, my hubby has 5 days annual leave. All we can do in sit in our lovely garden or maybe go for a walk. Trying to dodge the humans and keep up the distancing rule. The weather is set be very warm and sunny, which helps lift my mood a bit during this uncertain difficult time. When the sun is on my face, it’s warmth is like therapy. It feels like it’s healing my wounds. This time for us fertility wise currently has no end/ finish line for us.
I’m feeling very sad but I try to remain positive and trust my body is doing all it needs to do to create, grow and deliver our first 🌈 baby. We have decided we would be happy with one , how hard can that be! I look around at countless friends pregnancies, that have happened so easy!
To our babies we have lost, so far. 3 chemical MC , 3 missed MC. You will always be in my heart and never leave my memory. I cherish the short time we had, I know you are leading us to our rainbow 🌈 baby that is meant for us.
Chasing 🌈 rainbows couldn’t be any harder at the moment.